Aftercare: a dominant perspective

By Mistress Jules

First I must decide what type of session I am going to hold.
How intense will I take it?
Have I played with this person before?
What were their previous reactions?
Is it a pain inducing session they are going to get or a mind fuck session or both?

Every session has different aftercare needs. Male and female sessions also have very different aftercare needs. A female often needs much more emotional aftercare that the male.

Before every session I check I have water, chocolate, heat any medical equipment I may need to clean and dress any wounds that may need dressing.

A long discussion BEFORE any first session is a must, checking the medical history, previous reactions with other Mistresses (if they have had them).

The mental health of the submissive you are about to play with can give an idea of how they will react during and after the session. When did they last eat? Have they driven a long way? Have they had any alcohol or taken any drugs? (if yes then no session), are they usual fit and well, you would be surprised how many say they are well but when you talk to them little things come out that could impact on your session...

Aftercare is not just "after" the session. It is before during and after. During the session they are watched and assessed throughout; their movements, skin colour, reaction levels all let you know when all is going well and when it is not. You do not want to wait until the sub has been taken past their limits and needs help before you know there is a problem.

Once your play has been brought back down then comes the practical elements, give a drink, water is usually best as if the sub has a sugar high you do not want to make it worse, chocolate can be given if the adrenalin has dropped too far and the sub's blood pressure drops causing physical shakes. Sips of the water also help at this point. Talk to the sub and wait until they are able to take care of themselves before leaving the room for any reason. Often they may feel ok until they stand up then they feel unsteady again, this is common. The female often needs a much gentler approach, putting the blanket around them and holding it around them, holding their hand while talking them back while often the male if he has had the same drop is happy to sit himself until they come back round to the real world.

Aftercare: a submissive perspective

By Insanity

Aftercare for me starts even before a scene; I know my body often reacts to the endorphins running through it brought on by pain and orgasm. It is not rare for me to be thirsty, tired, have a sugar drop, become very cold or even hot, to have the trembles or walk away from a scene as if nothing had happened.

I therefore plan in advance I ensure I have things like drinks, sugary foods, blanket or coat close to hand, having them there is just a precaution I would sooner be over cautious and not need items than be caught out and suffer.

Do I hear the sounds of people thinking surely that is the dominants role?
This is debatable, aftercare is the responsibility of both the dominant and the submissive, I firmly believe in ensuring I have what I need as no one knows me better than I know myself. To turn up, take part in a scene, and just expect someone else to judge how I will react is just putting me at risk. If you are taking part in a scene/playing with a regular partner then they do in time get to know your reactions but they are human after all and can make mistakes so it is best to be prepared.

Aftercare comes in two forms mental and physical, some subs need both, others prefer one to the other for me it can vary dependant on what I have been doing.

As stated I react differently with each scene I take part in, I have been known to just get up and walk away but this is a rare occurrence. After a prolonged scene I have become cold, my body temperature has dropped and the physical effects of shaking have become very obvious, here I need the dominant to ensure I regain natural body temperature as soon as possible, I like to be wrapped up warm and held securely until I feel  I am able to look after myself. Other times I have had the opposite happen where the blood has been pumping and my temperature has soared, here I am best to get to my feet slowly and get some fresh air and a cool drink.

Frequent side effects are often thirst, a drop in sugar levels with disorientation, tiredness, weakness in my limbs; it is during this time that I really need the dominant person to care for me. I am at this point at my worst and sometimes unable to care for myself. I become reliant on them to attend to me, to ensure I am back to my usual self before left to carry on with the rest of the day/night. I have never as yet been in the position where I have needed wounds to be cared for as I have not played at a high impact level or with blades (knife play aftercare is another discussion in my own opinion and something I wouldn’t even dare address).

After a play session I am at my most vulnerable and need in some respects to be treated as you would treat a child, I need to be given drinks and have even had to have the drink held and be told to drink as I have been completely disorientated. Reassurance is something I like here and praise, to be made to feel special and loved. Sometimes I need to be held; sometimes I cry it is not because I am hurt but because I feel relief, other times I need to be alone.

This to me is only immediate aftercare I can come round quiet easily and float around on cloud 9 and is a happy sub for a while, sadly, it is usually 2 days later that I really suffer from what some would call sub drop and to me this is the most horrendous experience.

Evaluation of a session is also needed at times to discuss strengths, things considered weaknesses and insecurities, for a Dominant to get an understanding of how they controlled the submissive and how the submissive felt with what was happening to them. For instance if in pain play, was the level of pain right? Was it too much or not enough? When using humiliation tactics were they effective enough to get the right responses. If safe words were used, were they used at the correct time? On the other hand, were they used out of panic?

There are also emotional issues to deal with sometimes, as a sub comes out of subspace they can often feel very emotional, guilt, anger, rejection, at this time insecurities can come to the forefront. Here views can be seen very differently and communication is essential as both parties may view things differently and talking through the emotions is always the best way forward. Often a dominant person will have to push the submissive through this process to help them to deal with how they are feeling, to address the emotions and ensure that everything is clear so that there is no come back and it is not uncommon for a submissive to feel like the dominant just does not understand. Patience is essential here as is honesty, a mix up in communication can be somewhat damaging and take away from the session.
As well as looking at any possible negatives, it is important to address the positives in a session. If the session has been taken in a new direction or to a new level, talking through what both parties really enjoyed and how it made them feel helps move the play forward. It gives the dominant ideas for the following session and gives a sense of pride to both parties. A submissive loves to hear how well they have done for their dominant.

Aftercare is not just about what happens when you have finished playing, it is a continual process that starts even before you session commences and all the way through the session. Communication is an essential part of aftercare, lack of communication can cause a session to be less fulfilling than it should be, and by with holding information from a dominant person you are putting yourself at risk especially if this information relates to your health.

Be aware of how your body reacts tell the Dominant person you are with explain any regular occurrences for you when you play. For example, do you go quiet and withdraw? Do you scream and shout? Do you fight?  These are again disclosures, which can help shape the way the session goes. If you don’t disclose the dominant could think you have reached your limit and start to cool the session with you just as you are reaching your peak.

When the session end take your time do not rush, ensure you are back to your normal self before getting up and leaving. Most importantly enjoy